Thursday, July 13, 2006

My Own Depravity

There is a poem by C.S. Lewis that is more or less a confession. I was reading it yesterday, and it came as a shock that I identified with his sentiments. It makes me think and feel that I am so flawed. In the poem C.S. Lewis faces himself. And that is like a mirror, and shows me my own depravity when I read this poem:

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

I sat there in the chapel of a church close to my home yesterday wondering if I was like the parrot in C.S. Lewis' poem, swinging in my cage, or engaging in a valley walking along a narrow road hitting the sides of the road.

More than six billion people live in the world, more than 1/3 have never heard of Jesus, and why am I engaging in thoughts for me? How am I to deal with my own depravity? I know deep down that Jesus feels strongly about communicating the idea of our brokenness, and I do need to figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror in HIS strength. I really can't do it on my own.


Corry said...

Same here.
I think we are born in that cage and keep ourselves in that cage. We create our own prison, while Jesus left the door wide open for us to break out and be free.
I am desperately trying to break out, but that won't happen when I keep clipping my own wings:-)

Love you, dear sister.

God's Grace.

Kc said...

Only love could foster such thoughts. ;-)

Nunzia said...

that is so beautiful kitty -- your thoughts. KC got it right. And thank you for sharing that b/c I never came across that poem before and I thought I had read everything C.S. ever penned. God bless you!

Kitty Cheng said...

Dear Corry, I guess I have been trying to clip my own wings in that cage for a while :S

Kitty Cheng said...

Kc, I am in fact ashamed of my lack of love.

Kitty Cheng said...

Nan, I am feeling really inadequate, and C.S. Lewis' poem was like a hit on my head! God Bless you too.

audrey` said...

You're shining with much love, Kitty :)

Kitty Cheng said...

Awww Audrey, thanks so much for your encouragement and kind words, but I am too humbled to accept it :s