Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Moses' Life and Mine

I'll never forget the fear I felt while worrying that I was missing some important step in my search for a treatment to end my suffering. In hindsight, it is obvious that my loved one added months to my suffering due to his ignorance of not knowing the best approach to take, and the fear that others might find out. Fear is caused by ignorance (a lack of knowledge) about a subject. A better understanding of what you need to be doing, and not doing, will help one to overcome.

Ultimately my loved one abandoned me. It was then that I realised, when I asked God to use me as His instrument, all things that occurred, no matter how bad they turned out to be, were all permissible under His will. Jeremiah 10:13 declares : “I know, Oh LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps”--- throughout the next four years I would come face to face with immense and untold suffering and pain way deep down inside my heart. It was all too much---so much to the point that it was just impossible to describe---I cannot even come to terms with myself since I never can understand why all this is happening to me. Nevertheless, I believe that God Himself is already working in me now, amidst all my suffering and life torn apart.

I give thanks to God because He has always been caring for me. No matter what my situation might be, His love remains. No one can measure how long or wide or high or deep His love is---such is the wonder of His unfailing love. Throughout the difficult times I came to understand how it felt to be despised and rejected, and I also recalled Jesus who also “was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering” (Isaiah 53:3). I came to realise that Jesus left heaven and all glory behind Him and came to earth to suffer and to die for me on the cross. Although I was in great despair and without hope to the extent of giving up my faith and myself altogether, yet God Himself never leave me nor forsake me---He continues to lead me through, heals me and places together all the broken pieces that were once in my life and my heart. I am forever grateful for that!

Looking back, I came to realise that my life is a bit similar to that of Moses. This is because when I was young I spent much of my time growing up in a ‘well-off’ family, much loved and protected by those around me, very much like Moses’ growing up in Egypt’s palace. Then turmoil and chaos came into my life, which I found myself similar to that of Moses after he had to leave his life of luxury and had to flee into an unknown and uncertain realm that is the wilderness. Finally, Moses responded to God’s calling to lead His people out of Egypt, so now, like Moses, I have chosen to obey God’s calling and to be of service to Him. May the Lord continue to keep me in the centre of His will through His grace and power.


steve said...

Its amazing when everything else seems to be taken away and we are stripped to what we feel is nothing, the love of God comes so strongly. Came across your blog randomly. What a beautiful testiment to the power of Christ! God bless you in all that you do for His kingdom

An Ordinary Christian said...

Thank you for your honesty and sharing. It seems that when God sees the faith that He knows is in there, He drags it out of us and thereby shapes us into His own vessel useful for His service. God bless you and may His pour forth His joy in you today! Andrea

Kitty Cheng said...

Many thanks for your kind words and encouragement Steve and Andrea. I can see that God blesses me through my blogger friends.