Wednesday, December 07, 2005

My Inner Journey

I liked (and still do) the feeling of being used by the Lord. I thrive positive feedback. But when I get criticism, even when it is constructive, I find it hard to swallow. I praise the Lord for this brother in Christ's criticisms this week. Even though I was very hurt by them, and I cried over them and my heart almost broke, I was able to come out of the situation and reconciliation knowing more about myself, my weaknesses and mistakes. And I know (and love) the Lord and my friend more as a result of it. Truly I am thankful for that!

I was walking along Southgate. I realized that I was really grateful for my God, my family, friends and for life. I missed and cared for a lot of people, yet at times that could really give people pressure (especially because I tend to be over enthusiastic /zealous about things of God). I mumbled a prayer, "Lord, thank you for accepting me and loving me unconditionally. Thank you for helping me to accept myself too, even my medical condition, my mood swings, my past traumas and failures. Father God, please change me, mould me and make me, to be your servant. You are the potter, and I am the clay. Help me not to be someone who only enjoys positive comments, but someone who welcomes constructive criticisms with open arms. It's my desire to glorify You, serve You, please You and enjoy You! Help me to hear Your voice my Lord."

John Eldredge wrote, "In order to take a man / woman (may I add) into his /her wound, so that he / she can heal it and begin the release of the true self, God will thwart the false self. He will take away all that you've leaned upon to bring you life." He continues, "This is the critical moment in a man's life, when all he has counted on comes crashing down." Eldredge described perfectly what was happening to me.

I give thanks to my Father in Heaven with all my heart. He loves me no matter what, even when He disciplines me! (Hebrews 12:11)

21 comments:

Ron said...

Kitty,

Thanks for visiting my blog! I was honored! I read your bio, and I admire the fact that you have a mission and a purpose. It is wonderful to see that, because it gives us a reason to awaken with joy each day. I notice that you mentioned it is hard for you to receive criticism. Earlier, I wrote a series of devotionals entitled "Nine important words." They are:
Life is hard
Death is easy
I am responsible

I think you can find it in the October archives. One of the points I made is that life is hard is not negative; it is actually the opposite. If you do the hard things, you will live. If you can learn to receive (constructive) criticism, you will live!

I thank the Lord for the ability to communicate via Internet, and I pray that our relationship will grow as a result. Remember, we will be spending eternity together with Him!

Kitty Cheng said...

Thanks Ron for your kind comments, and great suggestion. I'll read your "Nine important words" devotionals with interest.

I really pray that I can do the hard things in God's strength, and will live for HIS cause.

God Bless You!

Corry said...

I know exactly what you mean and how it feels and it feels bad. But not all that feels bad is bad. God shows us so we can learn and correct. I have to remind myself of that constantly so I won't linger on the negative but be grateful for the lesson and focus on the positive. I got to admit though, it is hard. But I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me:-)

Have a wonderful day.

God's Grace.

Kitty Cheng said...

Yes Corry, we cannot do it ourselves, but Christ who strengthens us can do it in us =) That's such a great news. It's only hard when we try to do it ourselves.

Indeed it's been a wonderful day today. I can go to sleep now praising the Lord for an awesome lesson.

forgiven said...

Kitty

God loves you so much that He put His Son on the Cross for you. He wants to use you. He going to put poeple in your path that you can tell them about your life. You are a witness( Martyr)of His work.He has tears for you too.
Your Brother that Loves You
With His Love
Doug

Corry said...

Kitty, can I add you to my links? :-)

God's Grace.

Kitty Cheng said...

Dear brother Doug, many thanks for those wonderful words. It really put a smile on my face. Yes I'm committed to being a witness of His work, and an ambassador / representative of Christ. I am not worthy, but I am thankful that He uses weak vessels, of which I am one.

Kitty Cheng said...

Certainly Corry! Would LOVE to be your prayer partner. I am honoured! Bless you heaps.

Corry said...

Kitty, the honour is entirely ours:-)

God's Grace.

Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

This is a nice blog.

chalyz said...

:) he loves you no matter who you are or what you've done..

Kitty Cheng said...

DF, it's very kind of you =)

Kitty Cheng said...

:) candz, that's true, and I'm forever grateful for that. You know what? He loves you, so do I!

audrey` said...

hi Kitty :) i like your blog too =D may i link you? please take care. Jesus loves you very much ;)

Kitty Cheng said...

Hey Audrey, sure you may link me. It's my privilege. You take care too ;)

An Ordinary Christian said...

Heb 12:11: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." I understand what you were talking about. I had a really difficult time in 1994 when that "false self" (or at least one aspect of it)came crashing down. I had a really hard trial that numbered actually 40 days, and in the end it changed me from one direction in my life to another - it wasn't into a whole new area of work, but just it caused me to leave the University that I was at and wanted to get more training, and instead I finished my training and went to work, and also cut back my hours. My personality changed as I went through that trial then. God's suffering can produce permenant and effective results. He is a good surgeon. Hosea 6:1 "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but He will heal us, He has injured us but he will bind up our wounds."

Pia said...

hi, kitty. came from corry's blog. you know, i'm always reminded to focus on the positive and not on the negative. i always seem to forget that. it is also my desire to be used by God in any little things i do like blogging. God loves us no matter what. isn't that awesome?

Live, Love, Laugh said...

Hi Kitty,

Thanks for visiting my blog. I can see God is truly working in your life. You are so transparent.

God can use us when we can admit our weaknesses, because it is through our weaknesses and struggles that God can work out His plan not only in our lives but in others also.

I can see your love of Christ, it shines through in your blog. God is truly working on all of us, we all need work. I am just so happy that God continually shows me the things I need to change and makes me willing to look at those things, and helps me be willing to make those changes.

God Bless you Sis, hope you have a wonderful day in the Lord!!!

Kitty Cheng said...

Dear Andrea, I'm so glad that you have experienced the Lord through your trail in such a powerful way in 1994, and came out of it a transformed person. I agree that He is a good surgeon.

Thanks for the verse in Hosea 6:1. Great reminder indeed! PTL

Kitty Cheng said...

hi pia! Thanks for the insight. I had a look at your blog, surely God is using you through blogging.

Kitty Cheng said...

Hi LLL! I really appreciate your encouragement.

God Bless you too sis, I surely had a wonderful day in the Lord, having so many great brothers and sisters in Christ who support me !!!