Monday, September 13, 2010

Day 13 Challenge - Reassess & Recommit To Our Marriage


This week (September 12-18) is Marriage Week in Australia, and it is a great opportunity for married couples to reassess and recommit to marriage. A time to see that marriage is an important relational institution that makes two people one entity - a great team. So, today D & I have decided to do something special for our marriage, as the task for Day 13 Challenge - Reassess & Recommit To Our Marriage!

"Just as two different threads woven in opposite directions can form a beautiful tapestry, so can two lives merge together to form a beautiful marriage."

We took some time out to reassess & recommit to our marriage. The following is a summary of our reflection.

(1) Communication

We felt that we need to communicate more effectively, based on our personality & expectations. We identified stumbling blocks to effective communication, including insufficient time, failing to share our feelings & failing to understand and listen to each other.

We've committed to set aside time that is good for both of us for meaningful conversations, recognise when to drop everything and listen, beware of talking only about the day-to-day nuts and bolts of life and communicate about thoughts and feelings, and to make time together to connect with each other, plan for date-night, catch-up time & holidays.

(2) Resolving Conflict

Even though we rarely have conflict or arguments, we are aware that we are very different. Anger & frustrations are inevitable at times, and we need to accept our differences by making adjustments, not expecting to change each other, seeking to complement each other, looking for each other's strengths, and support each other's weaknesses.

When conflict arises, we've committed to looking for a solution together rather than attack, surrender or bargain. We want to take whatever issue that is causing conflict from between us and put it in front of us so we can work on it together, express our views in turn and decide on the best solution for our relationship and see if it works (come back to the subject for review if necessary).

(3) Keeping Love Alive

We realised that we don't have enough fun & recreation times together. In order to keep love alive, it's important to develop our friendship. We need to find a list of activities we enjoy doing together, and to make sure we are still doing these things 5, 10, 20 years into our marriage.

We've committed to continue learning to recognise how each of us feels loved, and we re-visited Gary Chapman's excellent book "The Five Love Languages" (loving words, quality time, thoughtful presents, physical affection, kind actions). We've written down 6 specific occasions on which we have particularly known each other's love, and we both felt that was an excellent exercise. :)

"We Love Because God first loved us" ~ 1 John 4:19

5 comments:

Chris said...

WoW! I think this was very touching, and good things for everyone to address and keep in mind in a relationship...not just a married one. I wish you and Derrick many faithful and joyful years together.

Kitty said...

Hi Chris,

Yes you're right! These are important not only for marriage, but any relationship too!

Thank you for your kind words.

Cheers,
Kitty x

Anonymous said...

what an excellent guide to keeping love and marriage alive! love and the world loves along with you!

Anonymous said...

This is an inspiring post. Thanks for sharing your heart Kitty!

Paul Turner

Anonymous said...

Love you heaps Kitty! :)